What Exactly Constitutes a "Shiny Thing?"

"You can't have my shiny thing! If you try to take it, I may have to eat you."

- The Cat: Red Dwarf (1988)

CAW Me Curious was established based on one guiding principle: that of the Shiny Thing. A shiny thing is not just a concept; it is also an actual thing. Whether or not that thing is shiny is the real question.

Shiny things, as a concept, are things that make people happy. Anything that "sparks joy," as Marie Kondo would put it. In this way, a shiny thing could be a baby's laugh, or a nice note left in your lunch bag. However, this is a more metaphorical usage of the term, and not the common usage.

The most common usage of the term "shiny thing" has to be the following:

(of a smooth surface) reflecting light, typically because it is very clean or polished.

While this is adequate for most people's needs, the terminological needs of the collector are more complex. The shiny thing is usually an object, yes. But these objects mean so much more to us than average objects, like a cinderblock or a toilet brush. While the handle of a toilet brush may actually be shiny (defined as "of a smooth surface; reflecting light, typically because it is very clean or polished."), it is not considered a shiny thing in this context because it usually does not particularly interest people.

Certainly there are those who may be collectors of toilet brushes who are now finding this article objectionable. Collectors are our audience - the crows of the cosmos, the magpies of mankind, the ravens of the realm. If a collector finds a toilet brush to be their shiny thing, by all means, they must be allowed to have it, and to crow about it, as it were. But there are many objects that are more obviously considered shiny things, because of their beauty, rarity, artistry, cuteness, or their actual metal content.

Most humans love things that are actually shiny, such as jewels, gold, mirrors, and bald men's heads. There is likely an evolutionary reason for this; it has been proposed that we enjoy shiny, sparkly objects so much because they remind us of the surfaces of bodies of water, and water is essential for life. Therefore, if we saw something shiny in the wild during ancient times, we could have been drawn to it because of our need for H2O. 

We turned shiny things into our currency (until Big Paper decided that gold coins were too much hassle for us to carry and the world became tragically Less Shiny as a result), we wear shiny things around our necks, and yes, we drink small pools of shiny stuff. We call things shiny because they sharply reflect light, but it is our contention that the label can also be applied to anything we find alluring or enticing. 

In conclusion, collectors are always collectors of shiny things (even if the things aren't shiny), because those things are shiny (enticing) to the collector. Our proposal is that the meaning of shiny thing be changed to the following:

Any object whose possession causes a person's eyes to light up with glee, or results in excited or high-pitched vocalizations emanating from said person.

We are sure our customers will find this logic flawless, as they are clever and talented individuals with brains the size of small aircraft. However, if anyone wishes to disagree, they are welcome to write to cawmecurious@gmail.com to engage in friendly debate.